New Jersey Allows Gay, Mutant Marriages

New Joisey, NJ -- The state supreme court of New Jersey handed down a landmark ruling this week that allowed same sex couples the right to the priveleges of marriage, though they will technically be considered civil unions. Tacked onto this ruling was a stipulation also granting genetically mutated people the right to marry and obtain fishing licenses, reversing a law that has been on the books since the seventeenth century. It is hoped that the "mutant marriage" law will have a snowball effect and lead to other mutant-friendly legislation, including the right to obtain driver's licenses and the right to shop in public during daylight hours.
"In no way should this combined ruling be received as an insinuation that homosexuals and mutants are the same," said Assemblyman Reed Gusgora at a Trenton press conference, "there is a difference. Mutants are genetically-deformed humans that often have visible physical deformities as well as superhuman powers, like the ability to shoot lasers from their eyes or control invisible electromagnetic forces. Homosexuals are simply abominations to God."
The ruling has led to much controversy and protest by conservative Christian and anti-mutant groups. "This is an abomination to the institution of marriage," said Gertie Jasperson of the Children Now! coalition, which has been against progressive marriage legislation for years, "A marriage is a holy union between a man and a woman, not some tax break for a guy with tentacles for arms and a woman that can turn invisible. God must be spinning in His grave about now."
Another protestor, who asked for anonimity, said, "They already get the handicapped seats on the bus. What more do they want?"
Assemblyman Gusgora noted that this ruling was not only fair but necessary. "New Jersey has always been known as a progressive, tolerant state. We also have the highest concentration of mutants within our citizenry in the country. We feel that to exclude both homosexuals and mutants from the marriage rights afforded our heterosexual voters is not a fair reflection of our state." After a thoughtful pause, Gusgora concluded with, "Perhaps when we shut down the Hoboken chemical plants, we can review this legislation. Until then, mutants are here to stay."