We have so much in common

Hi. I don't usually do this, I hope you don't think I am a creepy stalker or anything. I was just looking at your myspace profile, and I felt I had to reach out to you. You are so beautiful, which is obviously what caught my eye from the beginning. But it was your profile and the context of your pictures that made me feel like I should get to know you. I think you and I have a lot in common, and we would probably have a good time together. I can tell from your myspace description and blogs that you are an alcoholic that frequently blacks out, and that's the perfect person for me.
When I saw the image of a bottle of Jack Daniels with animated sparkles dancing around it in your "interests" section, I got goosebumps. Your headline, "I'm not as think as you drunk I am," was even more titillating. You see, I like to get drunk, too! And not just tipsy, but completely blottoed. It's refreshing to find someone with whom you might share your favorite activities. Looking through your pics section made me all flush: you, holding a solo cup and making a kissy face at the camera; you holding a bottle of beer and making a kissy face at the camera; you with your arm around your friends, both of you toasting with mixed drinks, making kissy faces at the camera. The pic of you squatting on the sidewalk, with your pants around your ankles, peeing just about made my heart melt. I never believed in love at first sight, until now.
What clinched the deal and made me overcome my shyness was reading the various comments left by your friends. It's wonderful to see that you are so well-adjusted with such a diverse group of companions and acquaintances. HennyFloozy69 had this to say about you: "LOL girl! Do you remember Dan farting in your face while you were 'napping' in the parking lot? LFMAO!" Later on, she comments, "NOT COOL to make out with my lil bro, girl! But I still <3 ya! MUAH!" Anyone that can garner such forgiveness must have the heart and soul of an angel. "Hey, are we cool? Sorry for leaving marks," wrote Italian Stud two weeks ago. I had to scoff at this comment, for people of our ilk are not to be apologized to. We live in the moment, with no time or concern for the past. Sometimes we aren't entirely conscious when the present is happening, in which case anything goes!
I'm sorry if this message is coming on a little strong, I've just never had feelings like this before. I hope one day we can meet up and finish off a quart of gin together. We can laugh, we can cry, we pee in the gutter. And maybe, if our chemistry is right, we can have drunken, sloppy sex in the bathroom of a dive bar. No pressure, though. I would hold your hair away from your face while you vomit for eternity, my dear.