Year-End Racism Report

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. Thanks for coming to our annual year-end meeting. We are all very busy, and this isn't the most fascinating report of the year, so I appreciate you all making the time for this tiresome but necessary run-down. I'll try to keep it as brief as possible, and will withhold all boring facts and figures where possible. I have worksheets and progress charts available as hand-outs, so see me after the meeting if you're interested in this material.
I am pleased to announce that racism experienced a slight increase in 2006, with general racism against non-Whites creeping up by two per cent. This still puts us at a deficit from our racism spike in the final quarter of 2001, but the progress is promising, and we hope to increase our racist output by at least four per cent by the end of 2007. The small nudge forward in racism and bigotry is attributed to several subtle factors, including (but not limited to) a steady growth of minorities in the workplace, and rap music's fall from public favor as the best-selling pop music worldwide. Interestingly, racism against Blacks remained flat for much of 2006, but considering its already high level, we see that as an encouraging sign of racism's general growth.
Confusion about various Middle Eastern nationalities and ethnicities has also been contributing to racism steadily for years now, with many Americans discounting the entire region of North Africa as "filthy towelheads." To date, we have done little to encourage this notion, but in 2007 we intend to undertake an aggressive campaign to really bolster anti-Middle Eastern racism, by inserting more Arab villains into popular television programs and feature films, and by employing more non-english speaking Pakistani gas station attendants in middle and rural America.
The racist programs we already employ are still doing their respective jobs, with the "hyphenation" of non-White Americans' ethnicities and standardized testing bearing the brunt of the work. Remember, however, our motto concerning racism's propagation: there are no small efforts, just small penises. It's the Jews that have the small penises, incidentally. And I'm pretty sure Asians, as well.
Going forward into 2007, we are happy to say that no lay-offs of White folks are planned, as usual, and we will "keep on keepin' on," as the saying goes, to make racism grow. Various overseas wars, all of which are steeped in racism, will continue unabated, and affirmative action quotas will continue to keep minorities in pointless middle-management positions while simultaneously incensing Whitey. Now that there's a Democratic congress, we hope to increase welfare spending, which always boils the piss of hate groups and White nationalists. We're hoping that 2007 will be the best year for racism since 1950, and with your help we can reach our goal. Thanks for coming.