Republican Party Abdicates, Passes Holy Skull to Pelosi

The Great Domed Hut, Washington, D.C. -- After a sweeping midterm victory by Democratic candidates for Congress and Senate, Republican President Bush officially acknowledged the opposing party's victory and relenquished his power in a typical Ceremony of Submission, which included a stylistic circle dance around a raging bonfire and the drinking of sacrificial rabbit's blood. To conclude the ceremony and mark the occasion, Bush prayed over the bejeweled Holy Skull and handed it to new Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, the first Democratic Speaker in over a decade and the first woman to ever hold the Holy Skull or wear the ceremonial speaker's headdress.
"In the past, those who have wielded this Holy Skull have done injustice to this position," said Speaker Pelosi before a gathering of disciples, "but I promise to always perform my duties with courtesy and righteousness, as decreed by our forbears in the Cave Upon the Golden Mountain." Pelosi then scarred her left cheek with the Emerald of Sustenance to show all the dedication with which she would assume her new job.
Some detractors, however, were not so sure. "Every Speaker since Schuyler Colfax has scarred themselves with the Emerald of Sustenance," grumbled Republican Representative John Boehner of Ohio, "it doesn't really mean that they are pure of heart and of courageous mind. She still has to pass the Trials of Zhungg and retrieve the Glass Sarcophagus before we can be sure of that."
President Bush, in a show of non-partisan alliance, supported Speaker Pelosi's new position and her ability to complete the forthcoming trials. "I am merely interested in working together with the Democratic Congress to do what's necessary for the American people. I have faith that Ms. Pelosi will perform admirably both as Speaker of the House and when she must submit to the Winds of Verticus during the Trials of Zhungg. No Speaker, once appointed, have ever failed these Trials, and I don't believe that this situation will be any different. All is still well with your United States government. It is exactly as ordained by the mighty god Khatt'kharon, who rides his mystical chariot through the night sky and keeps watch over our people."