Superman is such a total asshole
It's not like I don't respect the guy. I mean, he's Superman. I get it. There isn't a whole lot he can't do. And I'm grateful for everything he's done. I just wish that, sometimes, he would let one of us other superheroes take a crisis once in a while. It's not like we're helpless. I can run fast enough to crack the sound barrier, for crying out loud! But everytime I'm just about to spin a bad guy dizzy with an impromptu whirlwind, in flies Superman to save the day. Cut me some slack already!
Besides, this isn't even his turf! He's supposed to handle Metropolis, I've got Central City. I think it's pretty fitting, if you ask me. I certainly wouldn't want to tangle with the enemies he's got, like Lex Luthor and Darkseid. And I don't see why he wants to waste his super-breath on the guys I tangle with, like the Turtle and the Mirror Master. Who can't defeat the Mirror Master? All you have to do is trap him in whatever mirror device he's concocted at the moment. I do a pretty good job at that, with my super-speed. But does Superman lay off for a fucking minute? No. As soon as word gets out that Mirror Master stole some antique mirrors from the Central City Musuem, here comes that glory hog Superman, finding Mirror Master with X-ray vision and then knocking him out cold with a flick of his pinky. How about some theatrics, Superman? Mirror Master went through the trouble of making that latex suit and devising a way to travel through various mirrors, the least you could do is make a show of kicking his ass.
What really kills me is that Superman isn't even from this planet. He's an alien! And yet everyone sees fit to give him total reign and take jobs from other, earth-born superheroes. We have egos to feed too, you know. Just give me a chance. I can run over water like a skipping stone. I can vibrate my molecules through walls. And while I understand that Superman can pretty much outdo those abilities, I still think I should get my shot against the occasional super villain. At least some jerk-off like Boomerang Man.
Besides, this isn't even his turf! He's supposed to handle Metropolis, I've got Central City. I think it's pretty fitting, if you ask me. I certainly wouldn't want to tangle with the enemies he's got, like Lex Luthor and Darkseid. And I don't see why he wants to waste his super-breath on the guys I tangle with, like the Turtle and the Mirror Master. Who can't defeat the Mirror Master? All you have to do is trap him in whatever mirror device he's concocted at the moment. I do a pretty good job at that, with my super-speed. But does Superman lay off for a fucking minute? No. As soon as word gets out that Mirror Master stole some antique mirrors from the Central City Musuem, here comes that glory hog Superman, finding Mirror Master with X-ray vision and then knocking him out cold with a flick of his pinky. How about some theatrics, Superman? Mirror Master went through the trouble of making that latex suit and devising a way to travel through various mirrors, the least you could do is make a show of kicking his ass.
What really kills me is that Superman isn't even from this planet. He's an alien! And yet everyone sees fit to give him total reign and take jobs from other, earth-born superheroes. We have egos to feed too, you know. Just give me a chance. I can run over water like a skipping stone. I can vibrate my molecules through walls. And while I understand that Superman can pretty much outdo those abilities, I still think I should get my shot against the occasional super villain. At least some jerk-off like Boomerang Man.
posted by Reggie Hemingway at
10:42 AM
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