I've Never Felt So Alive

Something amazing just happened to me that I had to share. I was playing Windows Solitaire during work hours, something I am prone to do on a Friday, and the most incredible thing happened. The program was dealing cards as normal and I watched them digitally stack up, trying to anticipate which cards would be face up so I could begin to plan my strategy. When the face cards were placed, I was shocked to find that all four Aces had been laid out right there in the first deal. But that's not the amazing thing that happened! I double-clicked all the aces so they could go to their houses at the top left of the screen, and then those piles revealed all four Kings! I already had two Queens and a Jack showing, so I combined all the necessary cards and played the rest of the game. Suffice to say, with my Kings already in place, it was decided in my favor rather quickly.
I am walking on a cloud right now. I feel like I could conquer the world, as if those four initial Aces started the rest of my charmed life. Would that every endeavor I engaged began with four Aces...but now is not the time for regret. Now is the time to rejoice! The rest of my life will be nothing but four Aces that reveal four Kings. No more two of Spades, no more lonely eight of Hearts, but Aces and Kings from here on out. I can feel it. The fates have shined down on me and given me the necessary fortitude to say, "Yes, I can finish a game of Solitaire in less than two minutes, and therefore maybe I can pay off my credit cards and get my cable hooked back up and possibly repair my failed marriage." Wait, "possibly"? Scratch that. Make it definitely.
I feel sorry for people who never have such fortune in their lives. It must be a dreary existence, to go around all cynical and thinking that life will never be sweet or that you will never taste victory. I know because I was one of those people, until I was dealt four Aces in Windows solitaire. Now, I finally understand the phrase "never say 'never'," which heretofore confused me because it kind of cancels itself out. Like, how can you tell me to never say "never" when it's the first word in the phrase? That makes no sense. But now I know that the first use of "never" is synonymous with "don't ever" and the second instance is more like "it won't happen." So really, the phrase is more like "don't ever say 'it won't happen'." And never will I say that again!
It's a new era for Reggie, folks. The "Four Aces That Revealed Four Kings" era. From this day forward, every move I make will have the fortune of four consecutive Aces shining down on it. It will happen because I know it can happen and I can will it to happen. Maybe I could turn this whole thing into a lucrative self-help cult.