The Good, the Bad, and the Mediocre
Adidas Sneakers
THE GOOD: Americana hi-tops
The sneaker that started it all, and by that I mean practically the entire sneaker collector's culture. Sure, the alternating blue and red stripes might not have much relevance in this post-ABA world, but the materials are interesting and the look is great. Sneakers like these can cause you to rearrange your whole wardrobe, and might be the leading cause in fomenting the "sportsjacket and jeans" look. It's not the sneakers' fault, though! These sneakers are like part Rod Lavers, part Abdul Jabbars, and all frrrresh. Don't get caught out there in the re-issued styles in various materials and colorways, though. That is, of course, unless you are a hipster faggot in a tight t-shirt.
THE BAD: The entire Kobe Bryant series
"Here I stand, one of the most talented players in the NBA, just now reaching the apex of an already impressive career. I need a sneaker that expresses my versatility and agility; my drive and fortitude. I need a sneaker that is as nice to look at as it is functional. I know! I'll design sneakers that look like fucking Winnebagos!" Seriously, those sneakers would make nice toaster cozies. Hard to believe that this is the same guy who lags behind only Wilt Chamberlain for most points scored in a game. However, throw on a pair of muddy coveralls, grow your beard to a shaggy length, and wear these bad boys and you could easily be the guy that fools around with high school girls' private parts. Perhaps Kobe should be endorsing home pregnancy kits and prom-friendly limo companies while he's at it.
THE MEDIOCRE: Forum low-tops
The first sneakers I ever heard that got stolen from someone's feet that weren't Jordans were white-on-black Adidas Forums. The guy that stole them must have been shoeless himself, because otherwise I don't know why he bothered. Is it the strap? These sneakers are totally unremarkable and bordering on ugly. I equate people who buy sneakers like these with those that copped Reebok Pumps. You know, the guys that wore wack second edition Starter jackets with the detachable hood. The same guy that wore Charlotte Hornets and San Jose Sharks caps with differently colored bills. The very same guy that jocked House of Pain a little too hard and did the "Just Say No" rap routine at the school talent show. Later, he would gain widepsread fame for getting knocked out by iCON the Mic King at Scribble Jam 2005.
THE GOOD: Americana hi-tops
The sneaker that started it all, and by that I mean practically the entire sneaker collector's culture. Sure, the alternating blue and red stripes might not have much relevance in this post-ABA world, but the materials are interesting and the look is great. Sneakers like these can cause you to rearrange your whole wardrobe, and might be the leading cause in fomenting the "sportsjacket and jeans" look. It's not the sneakers' fault, though! These sneakers are like part Rod Lavers, part Abdul Jabbars, and all frrrresh. Don't get caught out there in the re-issued styles in various materials and colorways, though. That is, of course, unless you are a hipster faggot in a tight t-shirt.
THE BAD: The entire Kobe Bryant series
"Here I stand, one of the most talented players in the NBA, just now reaching the apex of an already impressive career. I need a sneaker that expresses my versatility and agility; my drive and fortitude. I need a sneaker that is as nice to look at as it is functional. I know! I'll design sneakers that look like fucking Winnebagos!" Seriously, those sneakers would make nice toaster cozies. Hard to believe that this is the same guy who lags behind only Wilt Chamberlain for most points scored in a game. However, throw on a pair of muddy coveralls, grow your beard to a shaggy length, and wear these bad boys and you could easily be the guy that fools around with high school girls' private parts. Perhaps Kobe should be endorsing home pregnancy kits and prom-friendly limo companies while he's at it.
THE MEDIOCRE: Forum low-tops
The first sneakers I ever heard that got stolen from someone's feet that weren't Jordans were white-on-black Adidas Forums. The guy that stole them must have been shoeless himself, because otherwise I don't know why he bothered. Is it the strap? These sneakers are totally unremarkable and bordering on ugly. I equate people who buy sneakers like these with those that copped Reebok Pumps. You know, the guys that wore wack second edition Starter jackets with the detachable hood. The same guy that wore Charlotte Hornets and San Jose Sharks caps with differently colored bills. The very same guy that jocked House of Pain a little too hard and did the "Just Say No" rap routine at the school talent show. Later, he would gain widepsread fame for getting knocked out by iCON the Mic King at Scribble Jam 2005.
posted by Reggie Hemingway at
4:11 PM
1 Comments:
are those Kobes fo' real?
no seriously - I'm askin' - yo - damn
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