Forty Things About Me You Might Not Know or Give a Shit About

Erase my answers and put in your own, and then post it, unsolicited, for strangers to see!

1. What color underwear do you have on?
N/A.

2. What was the last thing you ate?
A heaping bowl of Quaker Breakfast Calamari.

3. What was the last thing that ate you?
Vincent Gallo.

4. Who would win in a fight: Gary Coleman circa 1986 or Star Wars android R2D2?
R2D2, he's got lasers and shit.

5. What color is your hair?
Brown.

6. Does “the carpet match the drapes” if you get my drift?
Heh, you bet, I think.

7. What color are your fingernails?
Right now, the color of individually-painted and painstakingly rendered miniature Puerto Rican flags.

8. When farting, what note do you usually hit?
B flat.

9. What is your favorite kind of yacht?
The Two-Tiered Deluxe Rabble Rouser.

10. Of the following people, I would like to meet ___ the most: Howie Mandel, Carrot Top, Tom Arnold, Adolph Hitler.
Ugh. Hitler, of course.

11. What was the last text that you read in its original Aramaic language?
The Dead Sea Scrolls.

12. What kind of shoes are you wearing?
Bunny slippers.

13. Are you aware that those shoes make you walk funny?
Yeah, but they're really comfy and I've had them since college.

14. What was the first letter of the surname of the last child that you molested?
Oh, I have no idea.

15. Who is better than us?
Nobody.

16. Why is it that whenever someone says they like a currently popular rapper, you always mention Kool G Rap as if that somehow negates their opinion?
Because these newjacks have to do the knowledge.

17. Yeah, well, it’s really annoying.
That's not a question.

18. Who did you vote for in the last national election?
The guy that lost.

19. Does it satisfy you to know that you are helping to flush this country down the toilet?
A little.

20. What is your favorite kind of Little Debbie snack cake?
Iced Zingers.

21. What was the hair color of the last person you skullfucked?
Blonde but I think it was dyed.

22. How many crayfish can you eat in one sitting?
1.3 lbs.

23. Why do you like Apple Jacks so much when they don’t even taste like apples?
Because we eat what we like!

24. When was the last time you drank alcohol?
Yesterday.

25. When was the last time you drank formaldehyde?
Eleven or twelve years ago, I believe.

26. When was the last time you drank foals’ urine?
Not since I was a kid and living among the Centaurs.

27. Are you one of those insufferable fuckbags that talks about a particular sport during the off-season to people who barely give a shit in the first place?
No.

28. Where is the strangest place you’ve ever “done it”?
In the ass.

29. Do you realize that, in the previous question, “done it” was supposed to imply “eaten fast food”?
My answer stays.

30. How much did you pay for your last haircut?
Apparently, not enough.

31. Which clothing company’s sweatshop do you think employs the highest standards of quality?
I think Levi's really gets the most out of their child labor.

32. What did you get for number fourteen?
Oh, I have no idea.

33. Don’t you think we should have some reasonable evidence either for or against the case of extra-terrestrial visitations to Earth?
Not really.

34. How does it make you feel when white people call things “ghetto”?
Kind of annoyed, yet I can't help but chuckle a little.

35. What do you like most about yourself?
My sense of smell.

36. What do you like least about yourself?
The way I smell.

37. What, about yourself, are you so deluded about that it borders on schizophrenia?
At times, I think I am a fourteenth century blacksmith.

38. When was the last time you tried to picture a person’s genitals upon meeting them?
Seconds ago.

39. Who would you call if your anus turned inside-out?
Mr. T and/or the A-Team.

40. Do you like candy?
No, because I am an evil, Godless terrorist.