Pres. Bush formally hands U.S. over to Comedy Central

Mind of Mencia onslaught brings America to breaking point

America, La La Land -- In a move which shocked and relieved many American citizens, President George Bush made an emergency announcement last night that he would be surrending the country, effective immediately, to cable television station Comedy Central. Perhaps the most poignant phrase of his short speech was this: "Americans are the strongest, most resilient people in the world. We have repelled terrorists and others who hate freedom and Democracy. However we never expected to encounter a foe as diabolical and relentless as Carlos Mencia."
Bush was speaking of the host for Comedy Central's weekly program, Mind of Mencia, which features Mr. Mencia doing stand-up and performing in poorly-performed sketches, mostly centered around people's cultural and racial differences. While it is not a very popular show, it's time slot between the station's highest rated programs, South Park and The Daily Show, proved to be too much for many Americans who might have lost the remote control to their televisions and are too obese and/or lazy to search for it. As a result hundreds of thousands of Americans were subjected to this terrible program every week, often with disastrous results.
"I didn't really see the harm at first," commented mother of two Freida Jaegermouth, of Toad Suck, Arkansas, "I just lumped it in with other crappy shows in Comedy Central's piss-poor lineup. But when I heard my little Bobby repeating one of those terrible jokes from that Mencia show..." Mrs. Jaegermouth then began sobbing uncontrollably, and exclaimed, "We know white people can't dance! Give it a rest already!"
Former President Bush appeared calm and resolved when he made his announcement to the American public, mere moments before another soul-crushing episode of Mind of Mencia was to air. "I am an American, and I fight for America," he said, "and that is just as true for our mental as well as our physical security. Mind of Mencia is a serious threat to our mental security, so great that I feel we must acquiesce to their demands and submit the United States to Comedy Central's control." Bush went on to explain that the only stipulation of this accord would be that Mind of Mencia would never be aired for broadcast again, and Carlos Mencia would be fed to feral pigs before a freely-admitted audience, location to be named.
Political analyst George Dimplebrink seemed amused at the turn of events. "Honestly, I never expected this," he explained, "America has stood strong against seemingly stupider shows than Mind of Mencia. We almost lost the whole kit and kaboodle when Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire? aired, but luckily that was a short-run series and the country was able to recover. Something about ...Mencia is so pervasively moronic that almost no one can escape it. Your neighbor could have it on the television in the next house, and your proximity would still be close enough that you'd lose IQ points every minute it was on."
This morning, former President Bush seemed jovial as he packed his personal effects and prepared to vacate the White House. "I'm just an ordinary citizen now," he told reporters and well-wishers, "and I don't expect to be labeled a hero. I did what I had to." Comedy Central could not be reached for comment, though contruction on a gigantic statue of David Spade has begun in Washington DC's Capitol Mall.