Samuel Powers named as new Director of the CIA

Washington DC, America -- Members of the press corps were surprised by a hastily-convened press conference where they learned that current CIA Director Porter Gloss would be stepping down, effective immediately. This news comes on the heels of several investigations into the Agency's prior knowledge of the 9/11 Terrorist Attacks that have thrown the spotlight on Gloss. Citing "untoward publicity" and "damned papparazzi," Gloss gave a brief but impassioned speech to explain his position before storming out of the White House Press Room indignantly. White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan abrupty took the podium to announce Gloss' replacement, a young, curly-haired man by the name of Samuel "Screech" Powers.
"Mr. Powers doesn't technically have the background to be Director of the CIA," began McClellan, "however he has an honest reputation and graduated Valedictorian of his high school." McClellan gave a few more credentials before allowing Powers to introduce himself. As soon as Powers took a step towards the podium, his ankle became entangled in some microphone wires, causing him to pitch forward and collapse on top of the podium, which splintered into toothpicks. The wires snared by his foot pulled several microphones from the stand, which whipped around the press room and nearly gave several members of the corps black eyes. Powers stood up and brushed his suit off and gave a smirk which instantly charmed everyone in the room, myself included, and we all broke out into spontaneous laughter and settled back into our positions.
Powers then took out a stack of index cards and prepared to read a speech, then he dropped them and scattered the cards across the stage. Stumbling after them, he kept accidentally kicking a particular card until it landed on the shoe of McClellan. Powers grabbed McClellan's foot, causing him to pitch forward and collapse on top of Powers. Admist uproarious laughter from the corps, an embarassed McClellan asked for a lunch recess while the room was put back into order.
After lunch, the corps assembled in the Press Room again and Powers took the podium. "Ladies and gentlemen of depressed...oops!" Powers caught his gaffe while reporters chuckled lowly to themselves. "Er, I mean 'the press'! Uh, it's a great honor to be appointed as the new director of the kaya...oops! I mean the C-I-A! Aw, shucks, I'm no good at speeches," said Powers, resignedly, as he put his index cards away. "Look, I'm just glad to be here and you can all call me 'Screech.' Everybody else does. Even my mom!" Powers then bugged out his eyes and twitched his mouth in such a way that caused the room to burst into laughter again, and caused one reporter to spit out his coffee.
"I plan to do as good a job as my predecessor," continued Powers, "because I know that our country's safety depends on our ability to collect vital intelligence against terrorists and those who would do us harm." Powers seemed unusually composed and the room settled back into seriousness, when Powers' voice suddenly pitched into a squeal as he enthusiastically exclaimed, "That's why we're illegally torturing political prisoners and seditionists in Guantanamo Bay...oops!"