Tuesday, February 28, 2006

The Three's Company Reunion Movie is in jeopardy

I don't know if you guys have heard or not, but Don "Ralph Ferley" Knotts passed away last Friday at age 81. Another victim has been claimed by The Curse of Three's Company. At this rate, it doesn't look like the Three's Company Reunion Movie is ever going to happen.
I admit that this is a very slow-working Curse. The first to go was Audra "Helen Roper" Lindley in 1997. Then, Norman "Stanley Roper" Fell passed in 1988. The most surprising was when John "Jack Tripper" Ritter died unexpectedly in 2003. And now, Ferley is dead. Is there any point to making a reunion movie now? How else will we teach our children about the wonder that is Three's Company if we don't? No, I think we should move full-steam ahead, get this reunion movie done as best we can, while still honoring the dearly departed cast members.
Obviously, Richard "Larry Dallas" Kline will have to step in to the lead role. His comedy is not as physical as Ritter's, but he's capable enough to create sexual tension and to misinterpret things that he's overheard. The cover story for his being thrust into the spotlight is already written: Jack Tripper left his swinging San Diego pad in 1984 to move in with Vicki Bradford and begin another ill-fated Three's Company spinoff called Three's a Crowd. So let's figure that Larry had to move in to cover his buddy's rent. I seem to recall that Joyce "Janet Wood" DeWitt also got married, and something else happened to Priscilla "Terri Aulden" Barnes which caused them to all vacate the apartment, but I don't remember the exact details, and it's easy enough to gloss over the details of these supporting characters. So Larry moves in, and the sexual tension is real high because he never made any bones about wanting to fuck Jack's roommates while Tripper was always more reserved. I think that Suzanne "Chrissy Snow" Somers should also come back somehow and replace Terri. I know Joyce DeWitt refuses to work with Somers again, but I figure if you throw enough money at her, she'll acquiesce. If all else fails, just tell her "it's what John Ritter would have wanted," she'll be bawling and begging to come back to set in no time.
As for the landlord, I can see no other option than to have Ann "Lana Shields" Wedgeworth take on that role. A lot of people don't remember her, but she was a MILF that wanted to get into Jack's pants for a season in 1980. Larry lusted after her but was constantly rebuffed, so that whole conflict is practically written already. I suppose a new landlord could be cast, but since no one will do better than Fell or Knotts, why bother? If you want to cast someone new, let's bring Pat "Dwayne Schneider" Harrington's character from One Day at a Time in as the building's superintendant. Lord know we won't be dragging Mackenzie Phillips out of her cryogenic chamber to do a reunion show for that piece of trash.
So it looks like this could work. All is not lost. The cast is dwindling, though, so we need to act fast. If Richard Kline kicks the bucket, then we're going to be totally fucked here. There's no way we can replace Jack Tripper with that goddamned Jenilee "Cindy Snow" Harrison, I'll tell you that.

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