It's been a long time, I shouldn't have left you

Let me apologize for the past week and a half that this blog was unavaible. I know many of you sprained your index fingers refreshing the page every thirty seconds, waiting and hoping for some small missive or piece of information from Yours Truly. Well, let me say that rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated. I was only spiritually dead, being that I was unable to provide blog information for my millions of devoted fans/ minions. Well, it was not without reason.
The atmosphere was strange here at the Philaflava head office a couple of weeks ago. Andvil was pacing around the water cooler, reciting entire scenes from Nightmares, vacillating between several roles and stories from within the movie. On Tuesday, Mindbender Futurama had switched from his usual daily bag of Swedish Fish to Swedish Fish: Aqualife, and he had never changed the routine before. And webmaster Jason Gloss was holed up in his office on Wednesday, wearing a foam ten-gallon hat and firing a .45 caliber revolver at Tony Danza while watching The Tony Danza Show. This, in itself, wasn't unusual, except for the fact that he was stone cold sober at the time! Even the ladies down in the secretarial pool knew something was about to give.
I guess it was around nine or ten in the morning on March 1st that things started to go wrong. The company KISS pinball machine started going haywire and gave out multiballs with no apparent rhyme or reason. Cleanhobo's desk toy (a San Diego Padres mascot stress toy) sat in Cleanhobo's chair and began reciting the entire Book of Mormon. I, myself, tried all morning to connect to the office former New York City mayor Rudolph Giuliani, but somehow the wires were crossed and I kept getting connected to Adolph Lusinsky instead. And then, IT happened.
The entire building was sucked into either an inter-dimensional vortex or a flat out time warp.
And so we've spent the last week and a half rebuilding Philaflava. Most of the employees were retrievable through your standard Matter Transporter a la Seth Brundle's machine in The Fly (except, curiously, for Employee). Several others were genetically reconstituted using strands of DNA culled from various area rest rooms. The positions were simply re-staffed from the usual pool of high school drop outs and convicted pedophiles. But the end result is: we're back! And better than ever with a brand new url. So please check us out regularly, your hits help us finance the rebuilding of the Philaflava offices, which must be made of solid gold and fish tank gravel, per Jason Gloss' strict specifications.