Conversations with Ben: the Sports Edition
Okay, so I tried this once before and got some good responses, so I'm going to try to convey the confusion and hilarity that is my friendship with Ben. I've known him a long time, and I never have a conversation with him that doesn't leave me wondering if I have unexpectedly arrived in an alternate dimension or if Ben isn't truly the victim of a wayward chromosome. This is another attempt to bring some of that strangeness to you, the reader.
I don't watch sports very often, but I do catch a game of baseball from time to time, usually in the company of friends and in the interest of male comraderie and such. Whatever the sport, if Ben is in the room, you can be sure that he will make the most simple and asinine observations about what is happening in the game. If a team is down by two points, he'll invariably say, "They only need three runs to win the game." If a player is visibly injured with a compound fracture and needs to be taken off the field in a stretcher, he will say, "That guy's going to be disabled for a while." So you see that his sports knowledge is volumnious and his color commentary is astute.
Some sports fans may remember that, in the year 2000, New York had its first Subway Series in decades when the Mets and Yankees won their respective league titles and faced each other in the World Series. The Mets took the first game, and the Yankees essentially rocked them for the next four to win the pennant. More pertinently to this blog, however, was Ben's commentary as we watched game five, the final game of the series:
"Arrgh!" I groaned, "The Mets are really fucking up out there." I am a Mets fan, as is Ben.
"Well," replied Ben, "the Mets can't win this one because the Yankees are an older ball club."
I paused for a second, then got kind of indignant. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"They have more experience," explained Ben, "and they've been in this spot before."
Being that I am somewhat naive about sports, I thought he might have a point and probed further. "That's true, Ben," I said, "this ball club has been in this spot dozens of times. But these individual players and this team has only gone to the series twice before. The Yankees may outmatch the Mets, but it's not largely due to their ball club's legacy."
"Yes it is," he stated, firmly, "they have a history of winning World Series so they have an edge."
"What the hell are you talking about?!" I exclaimed, "The legacy is undeniable but it's not like Babe Ruth and Mickey Mantle are still on the team. A lot of these players were former Mets, anyway. The manager was on the Mets, for chrissakes!"
"That doesn't matter," Ben resolved, "the Yankees are an older ball club and so they know how to win World Series."
I had to try and make my point to him. "Ben, do you realize that, by your logic, the only teams who could be winning pennants are the Yankees, Red Sox, White Sox, and Cubs? These teams are made up of new players. I understand that the Yankees have won the last two series, but the Marlins--a relatively new team--won it in 1998. How do you explain that?"
Ben was thoughtful for a second, and then he stated, "Well, they must have picked something up from an older ball club. That's the only way they could do it."
Then, just yesterday, we were talking about steroid abuse in baseball, and we were talking about Barry Bonds breaking Babe Ruth's homerun record, and how this controversy will affect baseball stats. I mentioned that Barry Bonds and others had cried racism, being that he had broken a white player's record:
"It's a smokescreen," I said, "it's like he's trying to take the heat off the fact that he used steroids."
"I don't think so," stated Ben, solemnly, "I think it has more to do with the fact that he's broken the season and career homerun record."
I thought for a second. "No," I began, "no, I think it's really more about the steroids, Ben."
"No it isn't," he replied, "people are upset that he's broken both records in his career."
"Yes, people are upset that he broke these records, Ben. On steroids."
"No, Reggie," Ben denied, adamantly, "I know people are pissed that he took both records. Hank Aaron beat Babe Ruth's career record but not his season record."
"Yes, but that was because he is black. The common consensus is that Bonds cheated to beat Babe Ruth's record. If he beats Aaron's, he'll still be a cheater in many peoples' eyes." I tried yet again to drive my point home to Ben, "Any real racists will hate Bonds on principle no matter what he achieves. But baseball fans who venerate statistics will always question his record because he got so many homeruns by using drugs. I don't think it matters if he beat the career, seasonal, and game records, he still cheated to do it."
Ben chewed on my words for a moment, but still did not agree. "If he had just beaten the career homerun record, that would be one thing. But he beat the seasonal record for homeruns and that's what people are so angry about."
"Ben," I yelled, getting a little frustrated with his lack of logic, "the career homerun record is far more respected than the seasonal one! If anything, you've got the whole thing backwards."
Ben had to admit that point. "Maybe so, but I know that the hate against Bonds has nothing to do with him using steroids."
Read a newspaper lately, Ben?
I don't watch sports very often, but I do catch a game of baseball from time to time, usually in the company of friends and in the interest of male comraderie and such. Whatever the sport, if Ben is in the room, you can be sure that he will make the most simple and asinine observations about what is happening in the game. If a team is down by two points, he'll invariably say, "They only need three runs to win the game." If a player is visibly injured with a compound fracture and needs to be taken off the field in a stretcher, he will say, "That guy's going to be disabled for a while." So you see that his sports knowledge is volumnious and his color commentary is astute.
Some sports fans may remember that, in the year 2000, New York had its first Subway Series in decades when the Mets and Yankees won their respective league titles and faced each other in the World Series. The Mets took the first game, and the Yankees essentially rocked them for the next four to win the pennant. More pertinently to this blog, however, was Ben's commentary as we watched game five, the final game of the series:
"Arrgh!" I groaned, "The Mets are really fucking up out there." I am a Mets fan, as is Ben.
"Well," replied Ben, "the Mets can't win this one because the Yankees are an older ball club."
I paused for a second, then got kind of indignant. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"They have more experience," explained Ben, "and they've been in this spot before."
Being that I am somewhat naive about sports, I thought he might have a point and probed further. "That's true, Ben," I said, "this ball club has been in this spot dozens of times. But these individual players and this team has only gone to the series twice before. The Yankees may outmatch the Mets, but it's not largely due to their ball club's legacy."
"Yes it is," he stated, firmly, "they have a history of winning World Series so they have an edge."
"What the hell are you talking about?!" I exclaimed, "The legacy is undeniable but it's not like Babe Ruth and Mickey Mantle are still on the team. A lot of these players were former Mets, anyway. The manager was on the Mets, for chrissakes!"
"That doesn't matter," Ben resolved, "the Yankees are an older ball club and so they know how to win World Series."
I had to try and make my point to him. "Ben, do you realize that, by your logic, the only teams who could be winning pennants are the Yankees, Red Sox, White Sox, and Cubs? These teams are made up of new players. I understand that the Yankees have won the last two series, but the Marlins--a relatively new team--won it in 1998. How do you explain that?"
Ben was thoughtful for a second, and then he stated, "Well, they must have picked something up from an older ball club. That's the only way they could do it."
Then, just yesterday, we were talking about steroid abuse in baseball, and we were talking about Barry Bonds breaking Babe Ruth's homerun record, and how this controversy will affect baseball stats. I mentioned that Barry Bonds and others had cried racism, being that he had broken a white player's record:
"It's a smokescreen," I said, "it's like he's trying to take the heat off the fact that he used steroids."
"I don't think so," stated Ben, solemnly, "I think it has more to do with the fact that he's broken the season and career homerun record."
I thought for a second. "No," I began, "no, I think it's really more about the steroids, Ben."
"No it isn't," he replied, "people are upset that he's broken both records in his career."
"Yes, people are upset that he broke these records, Ben. On steroids."
"No, Reggie," Ben denied, adamantly, "I know people are pissed that he took both records. Hank Aaron beat Babe Ruth's career record but not his season record."
"Yes, but that was because he is black. The common consensus is that Bonds cheated to beat Babe Ruth's record. If he beats Aaron's, he'll still be a cheater in many peoples' eyes." I tried yet again to drive my point home to Ben, "Any real racists will hate Bonds on principle no matter what he achieves. But baseball fans who venerate statistics will always question his record because he got so many homeruns by using drugs. I don't think it matters if he beat the career, seasonal, and game records, he still cheated to do it."
Ben chewed on my words for a moment, but still did not agree. "If he had just beaten the career homerun record, that would be one thing. But he beat the seasonal record for homeruns and that's what people are so angry about."
"Ben," I yelled, getting a little frustrated with his lack of logic, "the career homerun record is far more respected than the seasonal one! If anything, you've got the whole thing backwards."
Ben had to admit that point. "Maybe so, but I know that the hate against Bonds has nothing to do with him using steroids."
Read a newspaper lately, Ben?
posted by Reggie Hemingway at
9:24 AM
1 Comments:
So the Yankees are on steroids? Who knew? Probably Ben.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home